Internalization of Experience

We all know that experience has a huge impact on you...the "good", the "bad", and the "indifferent" all have a molding affect on you and your next experiences.  Every experience shapes you, your outlook, your memories, your relationships, your path, your passions, your emotions.  But when you look deeper, you realize it isn't the experiences that are actually promoting these changes.  Your views, thoughts, labels, emotions, and responses DURING and IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING these experiences are what impact you the most.

These internal processes shape more than the external experiences ever can, for these internal processes will be forever linked to the experience unless we choose to change them.  The best part about this is that YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO ALTER YOUR EXPERIENCES.  So rather than saying, "I will surround myself with positive experiences," which oftentimes is beyond our control, you have the power to change your internal processes and create positive experiences from anything that comes your way.

As you begin to build memories of positive internal process during experiences, you have the control to evoke a positive change in your life forever, regardless of your external experiences.  Change your labels on past experiences from "bad" to "learning experience" and find the good in every step of your life's journey.  No time period in your life is "wasted time" or "regretful", because you lived those moments for a reason.  You learned from them, endured them to practice discomfort, met people you needed in your life, grew as a human, became the individual that you are today because of EVERY SINGLE STEP IN YOUR JOURNEY.  

Experiences happen...it is how you process them which gives them meaning.  So what meaning are you going to give them?  What power are you going to allow them?  Choose to give them the most positive meaning that you can fathom.  Choose to live each moment as if it is brought to you for purpose and assign that purpose in a positive way.  ONLY WHEN YOU CHANGE YOUR INTERNAL PROCESSES CAN YOU TRULY CHANGE YOUR SELF.  You must dig down to your core and expose your inner wisdom.  Expose the light inside that tells you there is more to life than the external.  

There is love.  There is learning.  There is positive growth.  There is change.

Mind Control: Let it go

The only thing that can control your mind is you.

Think about that sentence for a minute.  Close your eyes and say it again.  The only thing…that can control your mind…is you.

That’s a powerful truth, isn’t it?  But with that power comes a bit of fear.  You don’t have the luxury of blaming your bad day on events in your life or on other people.  It’s only you and your perception of these events and/or people that are causing you trouble.

Let me give you an example.  Your car breaks down on the side of the road.  You are late for an appointment.  Now you have to call AAA, figure out how to get your car to a repair shop and you to your appointment.  You are frustrated, angry, annoyed.  You call your boss frantically.  You try to explain that you know he/she is mad, but you can’t get there on time.  You feel guilty.  Think of the feelings you would have.  Think of how worked up you would be.  You are having a bad morning.  

Now take that same scenario and choose not to be any of those things.  Your car broke down.  Okay.  Good thing you had AAA.  You are happy you found a mechanic to fix your car.  You call your boss and calmly explain your situation.  Whether he/she is mad is of no concern, as there was nothing that you could have done to prevent your lateness that morning.  You apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused and move on.  In the grand scheme of things, this is just a morning with a few extra things to handle.  Even just reading the words of handling the situation appropriately, doesn’t it FEEL nicer?

Of course none of these events are ideal; however, you are allowing your perception of them to affect your emotions.  If you take the situations as they come, you deal with each one singly with  grace, calmness, humility, and indifference, they hold much less power.  We cannot control many of the events that unfold during our day, just as we cannot control the people around us.  Surrendering this control allows us to better handle our reactions.  

Controlling how we see the world takes a lot of practice.  It does not happen overnight and it’s something that you will need to practice every day for the rest of your life.  Things will get us out of whack sometimes and we need to just return to that place where we surrender external control in order to take internal control.  

I control the way I react to this and I choose to be at peace.

Another example is the ending of a marriage.  It would have been very easy for my ex and I to both harbor resentment, anger, and bitterness, as neither of us acted 100% perfectly in our marriage.  It would be easy to feel like a failure, to feel guilty and betrayed.  Don’t get me wrong, there were moments where I felt all these things and I am sure he did too.  However, we both chose not to dwell in those moments.  We controlled the way we thought, felt, and acted.  I chose to see our marriage ending as, not an end of anything, but a morphing into a different type of relationship and circumstance.  I saw it as a chance to co-parent as friends who still supported each other through life’s up and downs.  I focused on the two beautiful children we made together and the many years we spent growing up together.  The rest didn’t matter.  We didn’t have the same relationship, so the things that transpired during it that weren’t ideal were simply let go…they no longer held any weight in the relationship that we had now.  Let it go.  Don’t let it have control over you.  

The best thing about having this view is that our children saw how to handle one of life’s most difficult situations with grace, love, understanding, and mutual support.  Staying true to ourselves and our commitment to happiness in life, we could teach our children the importance of this virtue in their lives.  Let yourself be a teacher.  Handle each moment, especially the most difficult ones with calmness and good nature.  As the Chinese culture points out, the bamboo is strong because it’s so flexible.  Bend with the winds that are being blown at you and you will remain strong.  Be rigid or try to fight to hard and you will break.

How Did I End Up Here?

The great lyric from Nahko and Medicine for the People often brings me to reflect on what brought me to this moment, my “here and now”.  It would take a million books to encompass the vast array of events which lead to beginning this journey.  There were several journeys that I travelled which ultimately lead to this moment and my practice.  Like I have been known to say, “It isn’t a light switch…it’s a process”.  Throughout this process, I had a musically spiritually guide, which was Nahko and Medicine for the People.  I am forever grateful to them for their “musical medicine”.

I began seeing signs.  I viewed them as “strange coincidence” at first, but after the universe kept throwing them my direction, I was forced to sit back and reflect.  “Okay, what is going on here?”  So I followed them…not without a lot of questioning and self-doubt…not without trying to back out of this terrifying journey several times…not without extreme hardship.  There was something pulling me and it was too strong to ignore.  

Most often, there is a huge change or event which forces you to look inside and make other changes in your life.  The initial, most drastic change in my case was divorce, but can be anything in your life: a job change, a move, an accident or near-accident, etc.  I needed a change from my environment, my circumstances, and my current situation.  I didn’t know what would happen; I couldn’t control how it would play out; I felt like I had no idea what the hell I was doing.  It was terrifying!  And it didn’t come without great cost to those whom I love and myself.  It was not easy.

There was a lot of back and forth.  I wasn’t sure that I was making the “right” decision.  One day,  I was overcome by this internal knowing that I was leaving my marriage.  There was no giant fight, no crazy sign, I just knew.  After my separation, there was a lot of uncertainty.  Everything was different.  It took so much from me before making the final decision to leave that I didn’t think much further than the leaving part.  I didn’t know where to go from there.  The next few months consisted a lot of me trying to heal forcibly.  I did everything but allow the process to occur naturally.  

I always dabbled in mental and physical fitness, only ever really committing to running.  Throughout the process of coming to terms with my decision to leave my marriage, I went to some yoga classes, starting meditating some again, started to connect to crystals again, and was running fairly often.  After losing my marriage commitment, I lost commitment to pretty much everything.  I struggled to get myself together.  Some people speak of an “aha moment”.  I feel I had many, I just didn’t have the mental or physical strength to carry them out at that moment.  I pushed myself to get some routine together to get back into fitness.  I thought if I could just get back into running everyday, I would be fine.  If I just surrounded myself with people, I would be okay.  If I went to a yoga class every week, I would be more grounded.  If I immersed myself in work, I would be better.  It was causing more stress and it was exhausting.  That was not my intention at all.  In fact, it was the exact opposite of my intention.

Don’t get me wrong, getting out for a run, being around friends and family, going to yoga classes, and losing myself in work helped, but trying to commit my broken self to anything was not going to happen.  I was all over the place, trying to find my center and settle into the newness of being on my own.  I began playing guitar and singing again.  It was the first thing that I did with no agenda.  I sang what I wanted, when I wanted, and however long I wanted.  I had no restrictions or commitments to my guitar.  The freedom and ease allowed for my healing.  I played for hours at night, after the kids were in bed.  I needed to get it out in a way that focused only on my mind and emotions.  Such is the process.  You must head in a direction, hold onto your intention, however, allow the process to happen naturally.

One day, I woke up and said to myself, “I need to get on the yoga mat today.  I don’t care how, where, when, or with who, but it needs to happen.”  This was different than the other times when I had said that I needed to because I felt I should.  I had an internal knowing that the mat was where I felt I needed to be that day, so I followed that intuition.  This “internal knowing” was not the only one besides my decision to leave my marriage that I had felt.  In fact, they were coming more frequently now that I had opened myself up to the possibility that they meant something.  Or perhaps I was just listening more closely.  I was not reluctant at all to follow it and attended a great yoga class that day.  

I ended up doing yoga and/or running almost everyday since that day on the mat.  Initially, there was the process of integrating the things that I knew would help, yet didn't have the energy to commit to yet.  This process lead to my process of allowing yoga, meditation, running (my “moving meditation”), yoga philosophy, and holistic healing into my life.  It transformed my life.  Slowly…because it is a process, not a light switch.

Tech Junkie or Old School Freedom?

My cousin and I have the same running mentality: Love the Run. Period. Just love it. In all other aspects of running, however, we are completely different. She runs first thing in the morning; I am a lunch break or after work runner. She qualified and ran Boston; I am still trying to break a 2 hour half marathon. She wins trophies in regular races; I hunt for small races and hope there are only 3 girls in my age group, so I can win something (it happens sometimes). Lastly, my cousin is all "shoes and go," while I fumble with my Garmin Forerunner.

What is it that I like about the technology? I like to visualize my runs in new ways. I love to see my elevation gain/loss, my exact distance, where I sped through and where I slacked off, and I love to see progress. I started out running years ago with an elaborate spreadsheet on Microsoft Excel; I tell you this was an Obsessive Compulsive runner's dream. I had a beautiful background, formulas inserted, charts and graphs galore! It was great, but then I heard about the Nike+. I had to have it, so I did. I wore it bouncing in a shoe wallet on top of my Brooks, but it served me well for some time. I got involved in the online community, challenged myself and set goals.

I heard about the Garmin Forerunner and I was smitten, yet financially, it wasn't really an option. I then stumbled into a little bit of extra money and treated myself to the watch of my dreams. I love to see my runs pop up on a map, whether I run in Connecticut, New Jersey, or even California, I can relive the experience in the detailed data wirelessly thrust onto my computer. The best part is that I do with it what I want. I don't have to obsess over times or distances. I just enjoy seeing my efforts in a ridiculously organized and detailed summary. What my cousin sees as hindering the freedom of running, I see as my motivation or at least a little added something to my daily run.

How about you? Tech Junkie or Old School?

Becoming a Better Me

It's funny to me when I'm at work and people say to me, "You didn't run today, did you?" Is it THAT obvious? You may think that it would be insulting, someone essentially saying to me, "Wow! You're moody!" But the funniest part about this conceivable slam is that the person tossing the line is almost always right!

I am a happy person, aren't I? With running I am. Take away my runs and I adopt an alter-personality. I am more affected by others, their problems, my problems, issues happening around me, and regular daily stress. I am quicker to anger and annoyance. Without running, I am not me.

As a teenager and young adult, I was a mess. Having my son and finding running were the two things in life that grounded me. I became me...the me I was before puberty set in. I let things ride; I take it easy; I laugh and love. I live my life with a smile.

So what is it that changes my brain to alter my personality? The easy answer is endorphins, serotonin, dopamine...things I talk about in previous blogs. I think that these play a major role in a neuro-chemical change that occurs. But there is something else; perhaps a more cognitive approach.

I think another big part of the mind-altering affects of running has a lot to do with consistently challenging your mind and breaking through. How many times during a run do you think of slowing or stopping? But you stick to your pace. You keep trodding up an ominous looking hill. After you are running for a while, you realize that you can do more than you ever imagined. You use this mindset each time you tie those laces; you tell yourself to stop the negativity and just run! And you carry that positive mentality on to the rest of your life and you know that you can face problems, make it work, deal with the stress of life. You know you will make it to the top of the hill and triumph. Practicing the patience, perseverance, planning, positivity, and persistance it takes to remain a runner day after day makes you revert to it much easier throughout the rest of your daily life. Running can change your life.

Stress Reliever

There are times where I feel completely frazzled, unable to concentrate, easily irritated, and stressed out. I am one of the many people who's emotions are written all over her face; I see no need to hide myself. Most someone will ask me if I am okay, if something happened, if I am hungry. Those who see me often enough and know me well enough usually ask, "Were you not able to get a run in?" or "Do you need a run?"

Activities like running, among other healthful things that I have mentioned in previous posts (like increasing mood-altering Serotonin), burn up stress chemicals, like adrenaline, which gives a calming sensation (The Better Health Channel, 2008). So does running calm me or does not running stress me? Is it a play of cycles? All I know is that if I don't run for two days in a row, that third day, I am not myself. I turn into a short-tempered, pessimistic, stress-case. So, the easy option is to just continue running...for life.

Happy running all!

Reference:
The Better Health Channel. (2008). Depression and Exercise. State of Victoria.

Depression and Running

I've been asked about depression and running a lot lately. I want to say that I believe that depression symptoms can be drastically reduced, if not relieved, through endurance sports, like running.

I wanted to put a post on here that I just wrote to someone asking a similar question in a forum on the nike+ website.

As a psychology graduate and a runner, I can definitively tell you that running absolutely helps mood disorders, including depression. The medication that you are probably taking is an SSRI (serotonin reuptake inhibitor). SSRIs increase the levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter which controls mood, helping depression. Serotonin levels are also raised through exercise, mostly endurance sports. Exercise also increases the neurotransmitter, dopamine, which helps to regulate arousal, so your energy level will most likely be increased. Also, endorphins are released through endurance sports, like running, which is a neurotransmitter which helps your mind deal with pain and is often called the brain's "natural morphine". This gives the sensation that many call "the runner's high", which I am happy to say has FINALLY be clinically proven to exist (although runners knew this for a LONG time).

I am not suggesting that you stop your medication in any way; in fact, the running will actually help the medication to have more serotonin in your brain to circulate around, enhancing its affects. With that in mind, I will tell you this as well: I used to have depression and I have not needed medication for a while, because I learned to control it. I believe that exercise was a big part of being able to do so. Not all cases of depression are "curable", but it is possible and you are on the right track! Keep taking that medication and talk to your doctor if you ever feel that you may be able to reduce the amount you are taking.

Going Long

There is something incredibly empowering about going long. A long run is just what it sounds like: a run that is usually significantly longer than your other weekly runs. Most people will do one a week when training for a long race. I usually do one a week, often with my running partner, Lauren. I love the sense of empowerment that I get in knowing that I am doing something that most people cannot do. I love the feeling of peace I get afterward from the endorphin release. I love the feeling that I am really strong. Every once in a while, I "check" myself and say, "Remember when you couldn't run a full three miles?!" I love that I can be outside, no matter the weather. I hate being shackled up all winter! Even though it may be cold, there is still something unexplainable which is gained from being outside for an extended period of time. I am grateful for everyday that I can go long, as I know it won't last forever. Eventually my body is going to reject me running so long, but until then, I will continue to enjoy every long run I do.

KJ