My First Yoga Festival: MayFest 2015

I went to my first festival, MayFest Yoga and Music Festival, in May of 2015, with my boyfriend, Tom.  Our first day/night there was all music and vendors.  I felt introverted (a very rare experience for me), but I accepted it.  Through yoga, I have learned to accept the moods, like tides of the ocean.  There are benefits to all moods, as long as you use them with good intention.  That day, we explored the grounds with no real agenda.  We met our “tent neighbors”, who had a 2.5 year old named Marley.  There were very nice and Marley’s free-spirited engagement was a joy to watch.

That night, we watched some great musicians.  In between sets, Tom wanted to take some photos of some amazing hoola-hoopers.  I took the time to delve inside myself.  Although it was “off-limits” (oops), I walked the lakeside beach to a small pier.  I looked out onto the water for a while, noticing the vast contrast between the white moonlight’s reflection and the seemingly black water.  I then closed my eyes and meditated, coming to my center, focusing my intention.  

The next day, I woke up and sang softly to my guitar in my tent.  I was still feeling a bit introverted and I didn't want anyone to hear me.  A few minutes later, the two yogis in the tent next to us left their tent.  They stopped and thanked me for playing, saying it was a treat.  I was embarrassed, yet grateful that they shared their appreciation.  It was touching.  It made me wonder what I was so afraid of. The people here came for yoga, art, and music!  They didn’t come to judge my singing.  I’m sure that most of them were on their own journey, finding an appreciation for the more creative and inspiring things in life.  What better people could I surround myself with?

We had scheduled SUP Yoga for the morning, but it was really cold, so we skipped it.  We went to MC Yogi’s Beastie Yoga Class later, where DJ Drez played all Beastie Boys mixes, while MC Yogi lead the class and his wife, Amanda, assisted.  It was my first class that people who were really into yoga travelled to come to.  It was a bit intimidating, but once I got on my mat, I felt better.  Looking around, I saw the same people that I would go to any yoga studio and see.  There were people of all shapes, genders, ages, and skin types.  Somehow it felt more like a community, even though we were all displaced from our own community environment.  I was pleasantly surprised by how well they conducted class.  It was lighthearted, funny at times, fun, and inspirational.  It encompassed everything I loved about yoga.

We came back to the tent before our next class.  I noticed on my way into our tent that Marley was protesting a nap in our neighbor’s tent.  Upon entering our tent, I saw the guitar and thought about how quickly my daughter falls asleep when I play.  I would play one song and hope I was helping and not disturbing.  I sung loud and with the regular emotion I feel when I sing.  I sang like I do in my living room.  Tom sang with me, which I love.  I really enjoy sharing music.  Later, Marley’s dad was holding him outside the tent.  Without me saying anything about my intention to play, he told me that he enjoyed our playing/singing and that it put Marley right to sleep.  Imagine that.  Abandon fear and you can do anything…even put a two-year-old to sleep who is fighting nap time.

Our next class started with chanting.  I had never chanted anything more than “Om” and once “Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti”.  I had definitely never had a chanting experience like this.  It was beautiful music, hearing everyone sing Sanskrit words together.  The meanings explained to us before to let us feel what we were chanting.  What followed was a yoga class that moved quicker than what I was used to.  The instructor was teaching us to move into the poses on each inhale and each exhale.  It made me dizzy, literally.  I expressed my problem with moving too quickly in yoga moves with Tom.  He pointed out that I have a similar issue with moving too quickly in life, but that sometimes life doesn’t offer us the luxury of waiting around while we analyze, evaluate each decision’s consequences, and make an educated deduction.  Sometimes, we just need to breathe through the changes and flow with them.  I need practice in this.  I was thinking that practicing a quicker Vinyasa Flow will help me to make the connection to being better with a similar issue in life.  

We got something to eat and were buzzing about the Nahko and Medicine for the People (MFTP) show later.  We couldn’t wait, wondered if they arrived yet, if we would get a chance to talk to them, etc.  We decided to get massages: I got a polarity massage, Tom got a Reiki massage, and MC Yogi was right in the middle of us getting a Thai massage (which I thought was pretty cool).  After the massages, we sat on the top of the hill, while MC Yogi sat with his friends at the bottom of the hill.  A little while later, we noticed him talking to Chase, the guitarist from MFTP. 

We were star-struck.  Should we talk to him?  No, we didn’t want to interrupt.  Should we?  I mean, we could keep it short and just tell him how much their music affected us.  No, it would be awkward.  We ended up walking down toward the food carts as Chase did.  He said hi to Tom, noticing his MFTP shirt.  We walked away and we talked about how that was our opening!  I bee-lined it back and said, “I’m sorry to bother you, but we just wanted to tell you how much your music has changed our lives.”  What followed was a great conversation and a few hugs.  We met his friend, Geary, who we ended up having several conversations with that night.  They were both so appreciative of our sentiments and such great people.

After charging all our modern technology, we ended up with a drained car battery.  As we tried to turn it on, only to hear the awful clicking of an engine that won’t turn over, we hear from a car behind us our rescuer, Nate.  He jumped our car and after a funny story, a photo to prove to his girlfriend that he was making friends, we ended up walking to the main stage together, all very excited about the Nahko and Medicine for the People show later.  On our way, who do we see?  Nahko Bear.  

Talk about star-struck.  Wow.  This man was a prophet in our eyes.  His words and his music fostered such a change in both of us and in our lives.  We had to stop and talk to him.  Courageous from our positive meeting with Chase, we stopped him and told him how his music and words were our guide through an incredibly emotionally confusing time in our lives.  He stared into my eyes when I spoke.  He listened.  Intently.  He was so gracious and understanding and we took a photo to remember the experience.  I sometimes look at the photo and still marvel that this experience happened.  It was perfection.  Serendipitous.  We cried.  We were washed over with closure.  We were grateful that we were able to personally meet and thank Nahko himself.

We saw Nahko and Medicine for the People play just a few short hours later.  Of course, we stood right up in front.  We were excited and engaged…surrounded by the music that had become a guiding force in our life in the live version.  It was an amazing experience.  After the show, we went to the food carts and met Justin, the drummer in the band.  Is this for real?  The universe provided us the opportunity to meet practically everyone in the band and thank them.  Absolutely amazing.

The next day, reflecting on everything that happened the day before seemed like we were reflecting on a dream that we had over the night.  But it happened because we followed our hearts and made the choice to attend a festival in a place we had never been to and “check it out”.

Live life.  Check things out.  Go places.  You will be surprised at the things that the universe will throw your way.

Checkpoint of my Journey: Part Two

In the past few years, I've been pregnant twice. I carried one baby to 18 weeks and the next to full term. I was on bed rest for half of the second pregnancy. Needless to say, my running self and my emotional self have taken quite a hit in the past few years. As soon as I was able to begin running again, I did, but I was inconsistent and my diet is awful. I signed up for and re-ran the first race I ever ran (The Fool's Run, in Manasquan, NJ). It was almost exactly five years later. So much had happened in that five years, it was interesting to reflect on it during the race. I was happy to still have running as a part of my life, as haphazard as it had been lately.

I thought signing up for a half marathon would increase the consistency of my running. It helped a bit, but the race itself was cancelled due to the government shutdown. Instead of running my 5th half marathon, I didn't even run that day. I ran up to 12.5 for my training, so I still feel pretty accomplished so soon after having a baby. There is something missing in my life though. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. I am not the person that I was and I miss me. I feel overwhelmed and stressed, rather than taking things in stride; I feel ashamed of my body, rather than feeling its power; I feel listless, rather than passionate. In losing running, I have lost myself. In choosing not to care about my health, I have lost my healthy mind.

My first running journey started with something so simple, but it changed me. My cousin showed me her metals, plaques, and certificates from her races. We talked about it and I said, "I can do this." She said, "Yes, of course you can!" I signed up for and ran my first race within two weeks. I had only been running for 10 days.
My "Part Two" starts just as innocently. I was looking back on old pictures and I looked so healthy and happy. Simply, I do not appear or feel that way now. I text a friend that I see a decline from 2010 to now and that I was upset with my life. I MAY have text stronger words, but for the sake of the kids...haha. She text back "What makes you happy?" I begrudgingly said "nothing" as I was staring my run. "What will make you happy?" And then I thought...and ran...and thought...and I finished my run and felt better. That is what makes me happy.

THE CIRCLE OF HEALTH or THE CIRCLE OF HELL????
The way I look mirrors the way I feel, because when I run, I am happy, and when I am happy, I eat well. It is the Circle of Health. Lately, I have been in the complete opposite circle. The Circle of Hell? I have been feeling like hell, so I've been eating like hell, and I neglect my running, which makes me feel even more like hell. I'm done with it and grabbed some motivation from this realization. I am feeling ready to start back on the journey of instilling fitness, running, and health back in my everyday life. I'm ready to embrace it passionately again and put in the effort, knowing the pay off it reverberates in me. My brain needs its outlet. I need to get out of the Circle of Hell.

I haven't gotten the passion for running back yet and I know that it will be hard to jump into the Circle of Health. I know what it takes and I know the payoff.
-I need to surround myself with like-minded people.
-I need to put my shoes on even when I don't want to.
-I need to make this a priority.
-I need to make a good choice, when the bad choice is so much easier.
-I need to BELIEVE in the payoff...always. Because when the journey gets tough, but you believe in the payoff, you are more inclined to go the extra mile (no pun intended). The immediate gratification of a piece of cake seems silly next to piece of mind, doesn't it???

Tech Junkie or Old School Freedom?

My cousin and I have the same running mentality: Love the Run. Period. Just love it. In all other aspects of running, however, we are completely different. She runs first thing in the morning; I am a lunch break or after work runner. She qualified and ran Boston; I am still trying to break a 2 hour half marathon. She wins trophies in regular races; I hunt for small races and hope there are only 3 girls in my age group, so I can win something (it happens sometimes). Lastly, my cousin is all "shoes and go," while I fumble with my Garmin Forerunner.

What is it that I like about the technology? I like to visualize my runs in new ways. I love to see my elevation gain/loss, my exact distance, where I sped through and where I slacked off, and I love to see progress. I started out running years ago with an elaborate spreadsheet on Microsoft Excel; I tell you this was an Obsessive Compulsive runner's dream. I had a beautiful background, formulas inserted, charts and graphs galore! It was great, but then I heard about the Nike+. I had to have it, so I did. I wore it bouncing in a shoe wallet on top of my Brooks, but it served me well for some time. I got involved in the online community, challenged myself and set goals.

I heard about the Garmin Forerunner and I was smitten, yet financially, it wasn't really an option. I then stumbled into a little bit of extra money and treated myself to the watch of my dreams. I love to see my runs pop up on a map, whether I run in Connecticut, New Jersey, or even California, I can relive the experience in the detailed data wirelessly thrust onto my computer. The best part is that I do with it what I want. I don't have to obsess over times or distances. I just enjoy seeing my efforts in a ridiculously organized and detailed summary. What my cousin sees as hindering the freedom of running, I see as my motivation or at least a little added something to my daily run.

How about you? Tech Junkie or Old School?

Becoming a Better Me

It's funny to me when I'm at work and people say to me, "You didn't run today, did you?" Is it THAT obvious? You may think that it would be insulting, someone essentially saying to me, "Wow! You're moody!" But the funniest part about this conceivable slam is that the person tossing the line is almost always right!

I am a happy person, aren't I? With running I am. Take away my runs and I adopt an alter-personality. I am more affected by others, their problems, my problems, issues happening around me, and regular daily stress. I am quicker to anger and annoyance. Without running, I am not me.

As a teenager and young adult, I was a mess. Having my son and finding running were the two things in life that grounded me. I became me...the me I was before puberty set in. I let things ride; I take it easy; I laugh and love. I live my life with a smile.

So what is it that changes my brain to alter my personality? The easy answer is endorphins, serotonin, dopamine...things I talk about in previous blogs. I think that these play a major role in a neuro-chemical change that occurs. But there is something else; perhaps a more cognitive approach.

I think another big part of the mind-altering affects of running has a lot to do with consistently challenging your mind and breaking through. How many times during a run do you think of slowing or stopping? But you stick to your pace. You keep trodding up an ominous looking hill. After you are running for a while, you realize that you can do more than you ever imagined. You use this mindset each time you tie those laces; you tell yourself to stop the negativity and just run! And you carry that positive mentality on to the rest of your life and you know that you can face problems, make it work, deal with the stress of life. You know you will make it to the top of the hill and triumph. Practicing the patience, perseverance, planning, positivity, and persistance it takes to remain a runner day after day makes you revert to it much easier throughout the rest of your daily life. Running can change your life.

Stress Reliever

There are times where I feel completely frazzled, unable to concentrate, easily irritated, and stressed out. I am one of the many people who's emotions are written all over her face; I see no need to hide myself. Most someone will ask me if I am okay, if something happened, if I am hungry. Those who see me often enough and know me well enough usually ask, "Were you not able to get a run in?" or "Do you need a run?"

Activities like running, among other healthful things that I have mentioned in previous posts (like increasing mood-altering Serotonin), burn up stress chemicals, like adrenaline, which gives a calming sensation (The Better Health Channel, 2008). So does running calm me or does not running stress me? Is it a play of cycles? All I know is that if I don't run for two days in a row, that third day, I am not myself. I turn into a short-tempered, pessimistic, stress-case. So, the easy option is to just continue running...for life.

Happy running all!

Reference:
The Better Health Channel. (2008). Depression and Exercise. State of Victoria.

Training Reflection

Getting ready for the marathon...Ran a 13.25 today in 2 hours. I am feeling really great in my training. I have ten weeks to go and I feel strong, focused, uninjured, am running more than what is scheduled...still getting in some good rest. I feel really good. It makes me realize...I really CAN do this! It's kind of weird. I don't know how else to say it. It feels weird...I feel like the impossible is possible. Also of note: Cousie ran a marathon in Cali today. She not only qualified for Boston, but won 3rd place in her age group!!!! She is amazing! I'm so proud of her! <3 <3 <3

The Runner Camaraderie

When I started running, I knew one person that ran regularly. After a few years, I had many friends that run. Some I have made because we became running partners first. Through the many hours on the road, chatting it up, we became close friends. Other runners that I know were aquaintances or old friends before I began running; I just never knew they were runners. After I became hooked on running, it's as if there was a whole newfound camaraderie with us, as if we had this "inside knowledge" about something that noone else knew: running is fun!
I soon learned something else; talking to non-runners about running is difficult and often not worth the effort. No matter what, it was as if they just could not understand or maybe didn't care enough to try. Running is like no other topic in these regards. It feels as if there is a deep understanding among others in the sport, whether they are fast or slow, run short races or long. A runner who is truly committed is a runner who is truly committed, no matter how they engage in the sport.

Maybe we are a little crazy; that sure is the way that the non-runner can make us feel sometimes. Any minor ache that we recite aloud to the non-runner, especially a sedentary person, is a perfect reason for us to stop running to them and, rest assured, they will tell you immediately and ask you to join them for beer, nachos and a couch. Soon the runner learns to only talk about our minor (or sometimes major) aches and pains to other runners, because they are the only ones who understand. Other runners are the only ones that we can trust to give us an honest response of whether or not we really need to rest a nagging ache or pain. This is how the camaraderie stays so strong. Other runners (and sometimes other athletes, mostly in other endurance sports) are the only ones who can understand the need to continue by whatever means necessary to get the feeling of release, of freedom, of power, etc. that we get from running. Runners know that the ultimate goal is to be able to continue to run now, but also to continue to run forever.

Runners are a rare breed...and I am honored to be one of them.
Happy running : )