My First Experience with a Holistic Healer: Polarity Massage

This is the thing about healers.  They can feel energy, know where to move it, help start you on the journey of self-healing outside their office, but they are usually not psychic.  This means that their interpretation depends on the amount of information about you and your life that you give them.  If they know nothing about you, they cannot interpret their findings as well as if you go to the same healer numerous times and allow them more into your world.  

The first holistic nurse that I went to did a polarity massage.  She stated the following findings:

1. I had gone very deep into my self.
2. I had a very open heart.
3. I had a black energy in my entire head.  Toward the end, there was a sliver of bright, white light.
4. My body was very receptive to her moving the energy.

She was concerned and asked if I had headaches (yes, often) and what was going on in my life.  My first thought was that I was going through a divorce.  So her interpretation was based off these things.  I must be allowing too much negativity in due to the divorce and I needed to ground myself to get through.  I should close myself off to receiving negative energies…protect myself.

However, what I didn’t tell her was that my divorce wasn’t really embodying a whole lot of negativity.  It was actually mostly cordial.  I also didn’t tell her that I had a history of dissociative coping mechanisms.  Because of this, I can pretty much turn my thinking brain completely off (unfortunately, I often “turn off” my emotional and spiritual bodies in the process).  I have begun to use it positively and it makes reaching a meditative state much easier for me.

If she had known this about me and had asked me if I was in a meditative state, which I most certainly was, she would have probably interpreted my black head, much less as a blackhead to be popped and more as a positive reading.  Bright, white light often indicates divinity, enlightenment and truth.  By the end of the massage, I was much deeper into the meditation and, although my thinking mind was off, it was accepting the things that it strives for.  

I was very excited about her findings after researching things on my own.  I saw it as a sign that I was learning to better control my dissociative tendencies.  I was happy that I was able to shut out the thoughts, while keeping my heart open and ready to receive.  I was really intrigued by the white light and was hoping to explore that even more.