In the past few years, I've been pregnant twice. I carried one baby to 18 weeks and the next to full term. I was on bed rest for half of the second pregnancy. Needless to say, my running self and my emotional self have taken quite a hit in the past few years. As soon as I was able to begin running again, I did, but I was inconsistent and my diet is awful. I signed up for and re-ran the first race I ever ran (The Fool's Run, in Manasquan, NJ). It was almost exactly five years later. So much had happened in that five years, it was interesting to reflect on it during the race. I was happy to still have running as a part of my life, as haphazard as it had been lately.
I thought signing up for a half marathon would increase the consistency of my running. It helped a bit, but the race itself was cancelled due to the government shutdown. Instead of running my 5th half marathon, I didn't even run that day. I ran up to 12.5 for my training, so I still feel pretty accomplished so soon after having a baby. There is something missing in my life though. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. I am not the person that I was and I miss me. I feel overwhelmed and stressed, rather than taking things in stride; I feel ashamed of my body, rather than feeling its power; I feel listless, rather than passionate. In losing running, I have lost myself. In choosing not to care about my health, I have lost my healthy mind.
My first running journey started with something so simple, but it changed me. My cousin showed me her metals, plaques, and certificates from her races. We talked about it and I said, "I can do this." She said, "Yes, of course you can!" I signed up for and ran my first race within two weeks. I had only been running for 10 days.
My "Part Two" starts just as innocently. I was looking back on old pictures and I looked so healthy and happy. Simply, I do not appear or feel that way now. I text a friend that I see a decline from 2010 to now and that I was upset with my life. I MAY have text stronger words, but for the sake of the kids...haha. She text back "What makes you happy?" I begrudgingly said "nothing" as I was staring my run. "What will make you happy?" And then I thought...and ran...and thought...and I finished my run and felt better. That is what makes me happy.
THE CIRCLE OF HEALTH or THE CIRCLE OF HELL????
The way I look mirrors the way I feel, because when I run, I am happy, and when I am happy, I eat well. It is the Circle of Health. Lately, I have been in the complete opposite circle. The Circle of Hell? I have been feeling like hell, so I've been eating like hell, and I neglect my running, which makes me feel even more like hell. I'm done with it and grabbed some motivation from this realization. I am feeling ready to start back on the journey of instilling fitness, running, and health back in my everyday life. I'm ready to embrace it passionately again and put in the effort, knowing the pay off it reverberates in me. My brain needs its outlet. I need to get out of the Circle of Hell.
I haven't gotten the passion for running back yet and I know that it will be hard to jump into the Circle of Health. I know what it takes and I know the payoff.
-I need to surround myself with like-minded people.
-I need to put my shoes on even when I don't want to.
-I need to make this a priority.
-I need to make a good choice, when the bad choice is so much easier.
-I need to BELIEVE in the payoff...always. Because when the journey gets tough, but you believe in the payoff, you are more inclined to go the extra mile (no pun intended). The immediate gratification of a piece of cake seems silly next to piece of mind, doesn't it???
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Tech Junkie or Old School Freedom?
My cousin and I have the same running mentality: Love the Run. Period. Just love it. In all other aspects of running, however, we are completely different. She runs first thing in the morning; I am a lunch break or after work runner. She qualified and ran Boston; I am still trying to break a 2 hour half marathon. She wins trophies in regular races; I hunt for small races and hope there are only 3 girls in my age group, so I can win something (it happens sometimes). Lastly, my cousin is all "shoes and go," while I fumble with my Garmin Forerunner.
What is it that I like about the technology? I like to visualize my runs in new ways. I love to see my elevation gain/loss, my exact distance, where I sped through and where I slacked off, and I love to see progress. I started out running years ago with an elaborate spreadsheet on Microsoft Excel; I tell you this was an Obsessive Compulsive runner's dream. I had a beautiful background, formulas inserted, charts and graphs galore! It was great, but then I heard about the Nike+. I had to have it, so I did. I wore it bouncing in a shoe wallet on top of my Brooks, but it served me well for some time. I got involved in the online community, challenged myself and set goals.
I heard about the Garmin Forerunner and I was smitten, yet financially, it wasn't really an option. I then stumbled into a little bit of extra money and treated myself to the watch of my dreams. I love to see my runs pop up on a map, whether I run in Connecticut, New Jersey, or even California, I can relive the experience in the detailed data wirelessly thrust onto my computer. The best part is that I do with it what I want. I don't have to obsess over times or distances. I just enjoy seeing my efforts in a ridiculously organized and detailed summary. What my cousin sees as hindering the freedom of running, I see as my motivation or at least a little added something to my daily run.
How about you? Tech Junkie or Old School?
What is it that I like about the technology? I like to visualize my runs in new ways. I love to see my elevation gain/loss, my exact distance, where I sped through and where I slacked off, and I love to see progress. I started out running years ago with an elaborate spreadsheet on Microsoft Excel; I tell you this was an Obsessive Compulsive runner's dream. I had a beautiful background, formulas inserted, charts and graphs galore! It was great, but then I heard about the Nike+. I had to have it, so I did. I wore it bouncing in a shoe wallet on top of my Brooks, but it served me well for some time. I got involved in the online community, challenged myself and set goals.
I heard about the Garmin Forerunner and I was smitten, yet financially, it wasn't really an option. I then stumbled into a little bit of extra money and treated myself to the watch of my dreams. I love to see my runs pop up on a map, whether I run in Connecticut, New Jersey, or even California, I can relive the experience in the detailed data wirelessly thrust onto my computer. The best part is that I do with it what I want. I don't have to obsess over times or distances. I just enjoy seeing my efforts in a ridiculously organized and detailed summary. What my cousin sees as hindering the freedom of running, I see as my motivation or at least a little added something to my daily run.
How about you? Tech Junkie or Old School?
Becoming a Better Me
It's funny to me when I'm at work and people say to me, "You didn't run today, did you?" Is it THAT obvious? You may think that it would be insulting, someone essentially saying to me, "Wow! You're moody!" But the funniest part about this conceivable slam is that the person tossing the line is almost always right!
I am a happy person, aren't I? With running I am. Take away my runs and I adopt an alter-personality. I am more affected by others, their problems, my problems, issues happening around me, and regular daily stress. I am quicker to anger and annoyance. Without running, I am not me.
As a teenager and young adult, I was a mess. Having my son and finding running were the two things in life that grounded me. I became me...the me I was before puberty set in. I let things ride; I take it easy; I laugh and love. I live my life with a smile.
So what is it that changes my brain to alter my personality? The easy answer is endorphins, serotonin, dopamine...things I talk about in previous blogs. I think that these play a major role in a neuro-chemical change that occurs. But there is something else; perhaps a more cognitive approach.
I think another big part of the mind-altering affects of running has a lot to do with consistently challenging your mind and breaking through. How many times during a run do you think of slowing or stopping? But you stick to your pace. You keep trodding up an ominous looking hill. After you are running for a while, you realize that you can do more than you ever imagined. You use this mindset each time you tie those laces; you tell yourself to stop the negativity and just run! And you carry that positive mentality on to the rest of your life and you know that you can face problems, make it work, deal with the stress of life. You know you will make it to the top of the hill and triumph. Practicing the patience, perseverance, planning, positivity, and persistance it takes to remain a runner day after day makes you revert to it much easier throughout the rest of your daily life. Running can change your life.
I am a happy person, aren't I? With running I am. Take away my runs and I adopt an alter-personality. I am more affected by others, their problems, my problems, issues happening around me, and regular daily stress. I am quicker to anger and annoyance. Without running, I am not me.
As a teenager and young adult, I was a mess. Having my son and finding running were the two things in life that grounded me. I became me...the me I was before puberty set in. I let things ride; I take it easy; I laugh and love. I live my life with a smile.
So what is it that changes my brain to alter my personality? The easy answer is endorphins, serotonin, dopamine...things I talk about in previous blogs. I think that these play a major role in a neuro-chemical change that occurs. But there is something else; perhaps a more cognitive approach.
I think another big part of the mind-altering affects of running has a lot to do with consistently challenging your mind and breaking through. How many times during a run do you think of slowing or stopping? But you stick to your pace. You keep trodding up an ominous looking hill. After you are running for a while, you realize that you can do more than you ever imagined. You use this mindset each time you tie those laces; you tell yourself to stop the negativity and just run! And you carry that positive mentality on to the rest of your life and you know that you can face problems, make it work, deal with the stress of life. You know you will make it to the top of the hill and triumph. Practicing the patience, perseverance, planning, positivity, and persistance it takes to remain a runner day after day makes you revert to it much easier throughout the rest of your daily life. Running can change your life.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Stress Reliever
There are times where I feel completely frazzled, unable to concentrate, easily irritated, and stressed out. I am one of the many people who's emotions are written all over her face; I see no need to hide myself. Most someone will ask me if I am okay, if something happened, if I am hungry. Those who see me often enough and know me well enough usually ask, "Were you not able to get a run in?" or "Do you need a run?"
Activities like running, among other healthful things that I have mentioned in previous posts (like increasing mood-altering Serotonin), burn up stress chemicals, like adrenaline, which gives a calming sensation (The Better Health Channel, 2008). So does running calm me or does not running stress me? Is it a play of cycles? All I know is that if I don't run for two days in a row, that third day, I am not myself. I turn into a short-tempered, pessimistic, stress-case. So, the easy option is to just continue running...for life.
Happy running all!
Reference:
The Better Health Channel. (2008). Depression and Exercise. State of Victoria.
Activities like running, among other healthful things that I have mentioned in previous posts (like increasing mood-altering Serotonin), burn up stress chemicals, like adrenaline, which gives a calming sensation (The Better Health Channel, 2008). So does running calm me or does not running stress me? Is it a play of cycles? All I know is that if I don't run for two days in a row, that third day, I am not myself. I turn into a short-tempered, pessimistic, stress-case. So, the easy option is to just continue running...for life.
Happy running all!
Reference:
The Better Health Channel. (2008). Depression and Exercise. State of Victoria.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Training Reflection
Getting ready for the marathon...Ran a 13.25 today in 2 hours. I am feeling really great in my training. I have ten weeks to go and I feel strong, focused, uninjured, am running more than what is scheduled...still getting in some good rest. I feel really good. It makes me realize...I really CAN do this! It's kind of weird. I don't know how else to say it. It feels weird...I feel like the impossible is possible.
Also of note: Cousie ran a marathon in Cali today. She not only qualified for Boston, but won 3rd place in her age group!!!! She is amazing! I'm so proud of her! <3 <3 <3
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Runner Camaraderie
When I started running, I knew one person that ran regularly. After a few years, I had many friends that run. Some I have made because we became running partners first. Through the many hours on the road, chatting it up, we became close friends. Other runners that I know were aquaintances or old friends before I began running; I just never knew they were runners. After I became hooked on running, it's as if there was a whole newfound camaraderie with us, as if we had this "inside knowledge" about something that noone else knew: running is fun!
I soon learned something else; talking to non-runners about running is difficult and often not worth the effort. No matter what, it was as if they just could not understand or maybe didn't care enough to try. Running is like no other topic in these regards. It feels as if there is a deep understanding among others in the sport, whether they are fast or slow, run short races or long. A runner who is truly committed is a runner who is truly committed, no matter how they engage in the sport.
Maybe we are a little crazy; that sure is the way that the non-runner can make us feel sometimes. Any minor ache that we recite aloud to the non-runner, especially a sedentary person, is a perfect reason for us to stop running to them and, rest assured, they will tell you immediately and ask you to join them for beer, nachos and a couch. Soon the runner learns to only talk about our minor (or sometimes major) aches and pains to other runners, because they are the only ones who understand. Other runners are the only ones that we can trust to give us an honest response of whether or not we really need to rest a nagging ache or pain. This is how the camaraderie stays so strong. Other runners (and sometimes other athletes, mostly in other endurance sports) are the only ones who can understand the need to continue by whatever means necessary to get the feeling of release, of freedom, of power, etc. that we get from running. Runners know that the ultimate goal is to be able to continue to run now, but also to continue to run forever.
Runners are a rare breed...and I am honored to be one of them.
Happy running : )
I soon learned something else; talking to non-runners about running is difficult and often not worth the effort. No matter what, it was as if they just could not understand or maybe didn't care enough to try. Running is like no other topic in these regards. It feels as if there is a deep understanding among others in the sport, whether they are fast or slow, run short races or long. A runner who is truly committed is a runner who is truly committed, no matter how they engage in the sport.
Maybe we are a little crazy; that sure is the way that the non-runner can make us feel sometimes. Any minor ache that we recite aloud to the non-runner, especially a sedentary person, is a perfect reason for us to stop running to them and, rest assured, they will tell you immediately and ask you to join them for beer, nachos and a couch. Soon the runner learns to only talk about our minor (or sometimes major) aches and pains to other runners, because they are the only ones who understand. Other runners are the only ones that we can trust to give us an honest response of whether or not we really need to rest a nagging ache or pain. This is how the camaraderie stays so strong. Other runners (and sometimes other athletes, mostly in other endurance sports) are the only ones who can understand the need to continue by whatever means necessary to get the feeling of release, of freedom, of power, etc. that we get from running. Runners know that the ultimate goal is to be able to continue to run now, but also to continue to run forever.
Runners are a rare breed...and I am honored to be one of them.
Happy running : )
Monday, August 17, 2009
Random Psych Related Thought
I was listening to KT Tundstall and she says, "My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talking." It made me think:
There is a life-long relationship between the "heart" (emotions) and the mind (rational thinking). When people ask, "Which should I listen to?" I believe that it is never as black and white as one would hope. Any relationship takes comprimise, based entirely on the situation at hand, how strong the convictions are of the parties involved, and what seemingly will satisfy both parties as much as possible. Such is the delicacy of the skill required to balance the "heart" and the mind in an attempt to maintain a healthy sense of self.
The trickiest part of this particular relationship is that there is no escape, as many people seem to be utilizing as a solution much more in recent times. The "heart" and mind are inseperable, part of the same entitely, consistenly struggling to maintain order, harmony and peace, while impacting the self. It seems like much of life consists of this very same principle; do whatever possible to maintain the highest possible level of order, harmony, and peace. It is when incongruency occurs when either the mind, the soul, the body, or the "heart" springs into almost instant action in an attempt to return life back to its harmonious state.
It's all about balance and comprimise.
KJ
There is a life-long relationship between the "heart" (emotions) and the mind (rational thinking). When people ask, "Which should I listen to?" I believe that it is never as black and white as one would hope. Any relationship takes comprimise, based entirely on the situation at hand, how strong the convictions are of the parties involved, and what seemingly will satisfy both parties as much as possible. Such is the delicacy of the skill required to balance the "heart" and the mind in an attempt to maintain a healthy sense of self.
The trickiest part of this particular relationship is that there is no escape, as many people seem to be utilizing as a solution much more in recent times. The "heart" and mind are inseperable, part of the same entitely, consistenly struggling to maintain order, harmony and peace, while impacting the self. It seems like much of life consists of this very same principle; do whatever possible to maintain the highest possible level of order, harmony, and peace. It is when incongruency occurs when either the mind, the soul, the body, or the "heart" springs into almost instant action in an attempt to return life back to its harmonious state.
It's all about balance and comprimise.
KJ
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